Everybody has secrets.
Diane listens to talk radio when she’s alone in the car.
I listen to country music.
But we admit these quick enough, so they aren’t big secrets.
The secrets we keep locked deep inside our hearts…now those are secrets. And I’m going to tell you one.
Why? Because embarrassing as it is for me to tell, this secret wants to be told.
When I regained consciousness after my near death experience Diane was standing by my bedside. I did something that made the continuation of my miracle healing possible.
As you remember multicolored waves of healing washed over me the minute I chose to stay. Of course, that was just the beginning of my miracle healing.
But the fact that my miracle healing is on-going can be attributed to one simple thing I did.
I chose to accept my situation and live in the now.
So, when I became conscious the second day, I looked up at Diane and I cried my heart out.
I cried like a baby. A baby wanting mama to make everything good again. Wanting the terrible nightmare to be meaningless and be reassured the world was a safe and happy place.
But that wasn’t possible.
I told her my life was over. That I had lost everything. The life I knew was gone forever.
She made it clear that I hadn’t lost her or my family. And together we’d make it through this thing. I cried even harder.
Those tears started my grieving process. A process I fought when my parents died. And I have generally rejected as childish most of my life.
But as fate would have it three days before Stroke Tom, Penelope and I gave a seminar on grieving the loss of your old life. We were talking about the economic life we all lost when the banks failed in 2008.
We had talked about how the go-go years were dead and nothing would ever be the same again. How important it was to let the past go, both the good times and the bad.
Because you can only live in the now. If you didn’t let the past go, you would miss out on the glorious present God has in store for you.
Well, we all teach what we must learn. So when I opened my heart with Diane post Stroke Tom and cried, I was embracing the grieving process openly and completely.
Over the next year I went through all stages of grief over and over again. Some days I’d be having a good experience and for no reason I’d start crying. Some days I’d apologize for having a stroke and promise to do better, be better in the future.
Some days I would wake up so angry I didn’t even recognize myself. Of course, Diane was always quick to assure me that was in deed me yelling and waving my cane all over the house.
But I felt different.
Because I was embracing my grief, I was healing. I could feel the change. I was growing. I was letting go of the past little by little.
All the while my glorious new life was emerging.
A life I would have missed if I hadn’t accepted my situation and grieved the loss of the life I had.
A few weeks back I was at Penelope’s house and I overheard her, proudly, telling a friend all the things I’ve overcome in my life. She’ll probably deny the whole thing now that I’ve written about it.
Still, it makes me proud to think I didn’t give up on my life. Didn’t surrender to fear and self-pity. Maybe others who see that won’t give up on their difficulties. No matter how daunting the calamity. Nor how arduous the recovery.
Because we’re here to learn and grow. And that cannot happen without challenges and obstacles. Or as Jack Nicholson might say, “you can’t make an omelet unless you break a few eggs.”
Life is precious and fleeting. Get the most you can with what you’re given.
• More to come